Saturday, October 28, 2006

yo. am out of camp again. yay...

have been a little bored of army recently. in fact i have always been... i know many students will not want to agree with what i am saying next.. but here it goes: i want to study!! studying is seriously much better than being stuck in camp for 5 days and only out for 2 days during weekends... at least when i m studying, i have the freedom to move whereever i want... haissss~

i want to do more for people... but i m limited by time and space... i cant go out with friends....cant do this.. cant do that... the only time i can go out is on tuesdays and thursdays during nights--off... grr...

and it seems as though no one will be free on these two nights.... i really miss the people in the cell group... and i really wanna meet ppl up... but how? sat/sun are "service days" , friday is cell group... it's like... sometimes i wonder if i have a life out there... man....

i feel so detached from people in church... people are going to Uni and are often engrossed in uni stuff.. while i m like the only army boy in the cell group right now... everybody's studying or working... while i have to be confined in a camp in jurong west (where the animals don't go there... ) bleah... and what's worse... i will be away from 20th nov to 10th dec... flying to australia for an overseas army exercise... blah.. blah... that will make me like.. more detached from cell group and church..

it's like... u belong to a family but.. u are seldom at home.. and it's not as if u want it. and that makes u feel as if u are a stranger amongst your family members... something's wrong... really wrong with me ...

i cant see the end of the tunnel in this continuous army thingy... it's like... i tried my best to come down every friday for cell group, while most of my army friends are on the way to the food centres to eat... or on the way to pubs to have a drink... on some nights i missed the praise and worship... on some nights i miss both PnW and the Word... sometimes i go for cell group just to pick elaine up... and received nothing...

things are still not happening...

ar well. wish i can evaporate in thin air now... it's quite demoralising when u see everione progress in life when u are still stagnating. wayne said that once this phase is over, everything's gonna be fine. alright.. thanks for the encouragement wayne, but i just cannot accept the fact that i have to go through this phase of mundaneness and "wilderness" when everyone is progressing to the next level in their growth in the Lord and serving God more than before... it's like ....argh... forget it...



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i guess like wat pst kong spoke about giving understanding to a person when communicating to him/her, that's what i need the most. thank you for ur encouragement ... thank you for telling me to press on... but i don't think i need all these as much as i need your understanding. i just need a listening ear...



oh well. gotta go..
Posted by Timo-mo at 11:22 AM